I thought we’d never speak again
but after 15 years, she and I are having tea
this Sunday.

I thought my true friends
would never let me down
but they did
and those friends are still true.

I thought I couldn’t stand him loving another
and at first I couldn’t
but then I found that
I could.

I made a perfect mixtape
for this exact moment
but the moment kept shifting
and so did the songs.

I thought I was a behind-the-scenes person
but then I tried clowning
and life became a stage.

I thought I was this, I thought I was that, I thought I was bla bla bla bla bla bla bla
but identity is a narrow corner
I won’t back into any more.

I thought it would be hard to be mates with someone I fancy
but it’s a piece of piss
and a lot of fun.

I thought I’d never afford a house with a garden
but here I am
by the repulsive grace of late-stage capitalism, whiteness, class and what I can only assume is neurotypicality
achieving that aspiration.

We thought our little Emsicles would live forever
but in the end
she followed her brother to the great fireside settee in the sky.

I thought I was totally done with her bullshit
but two years later she bought my business
and I remembered how great she is.

I thought by 40 I’d know what it was I planned to do with my one wild and precious life
but that’s when the crazy shit really started
and it hasn’t let up since.

I thought that they would never
could never
never
no way
ever ever ever
break my heart.
I was wrong,
but

I thought love was shaped
like this,
but now I think it sometimes is
and sometimes isn’t.

I thought that Mother
doesn’t give a shit
but since I heard
how She lifted and shifted great boulders on Wallog beach
I’m wondering if perhaps She does.